Sunday, May 25, 2008

:: To be, or not to be - Weak? Happy? ::

Hi guys & gals! Yes, I'm back again. Not too long after my previous post this time, just because I really got something to share here. Let's not drag it too far from my subject, I believe it's obvious that I'm going to complain about my job & my boss again.
Have you ever came across this situation, where this question was thrown to you - "You are not doing something you've studied on, don't you feel it is a waste?" And mind me, it is not a soft & concerning question, it is thrown to you in a harsh way, to humiliate you, telling you what you studied before were all rubbish.
And yeah, I face this situation just not quite long ago, and it feel sucks! I really wish I could shut her up by telling her,"I don't think it is a waste, cause it helps to get me started off my job with a higher pay! And I don't need to be so pathetic like you to strive so hard for earning big bucks! Biatch!"
As I mentioned above - "I wish I could", means I did not say so to her... And I find it very regretful by not telling her so. Anyway, let's not go further on how she humiliated me, but I could just say, it is very upsetting, and GOSH! I really wish I can leave this job soon. I think I'm so weak, weak like a girl (I AM a girl but what I meant was in people's perceptions, girls are always weak. And of course, they aren't, there are strong superwomen out there!) Anyway, I am weak now... Just wanted to run away...
To run away, or not to, that's the question I guess. Is running away a very weak decision from a weak person to show that they are god damn weak? Coward? Ostrich reaction(in mandarin)? Hiding from the reality? I am not sure, you know why? I thought running away would be a cowardy action, but would you stay working like a dog? Working without pride and dignity? Which decision will you make? And I was telling myself, I would prefer to work like hell than work like a dog. Ever feel like you are a donkey at work? Yeah, tell me about it...
Sometimes, there are people in this world are meant to be there to discourage you, down grade you, so it makes them feel better, makes them look better. These people think that they are the best of the best - ego, worthless piece of SHIT! To them, everyone got a price, they can 'buy' you and do whatever they want to you; while them, they have their pride, people head-hunt them to work, priceless. That is another piece of BULLSHIT!
WE! Have OUR pride! OUR dignity! You don't come and humiliate us just because we got a degree and we can earn more $ with a higher position just like that.
They, ARE the ones without pride, but yeah, they got a price, anyone can BUY them as long as they offer a better $$. That is not priceless, that is just prostitution.
(CHILL~ CALM DOWN~) Anyway, last time I came across a conversation with a friend of mine, and I got to know about this term - "educated, but not civilised". I believe she's worse than that, uneducated plus not civilised. Isn't that pathetic? Or am I the one being educated and civilised is the one who is more pathetic for not answering back her rudeness and just listening to her barking? My stupidity...
I apologize if any one of you find this post an uncomfortable one or maybe upsetting, but... Welcome to the reality I guess...
Well, tomorrow is another day! We'll pray for a better day, for you and for me... ^_^ Until then, good night!



Tuesday, May 13, 2008

::断点::

静静地陪你走了好远好远
连眼睛红了都没有发现
听着你说你现在的改变
看着我依然最爱你的笑脸
这条旧路依然没有改变
以往的每次路过都是晴天
想起我们有过的从前
泪水就一点一点开始蔓延
我转过我的脸 不让你看见
深藏的暗涌已经越来越明显
过完了今天 就不要再见面
我害怕每天醒来想你好几遍
我吻过你的脸 你双手曾在我的双肩
感觉有那么甜我那么依恋
每当我闭上眼 我总是可以看见
失信的诺言全部都会实现
我吻过你的脸 你已经不在我的身边
我还是祝福你过得好一点
断开的感情线 我不要做断点
只想在睡前再听见你的 蜜语甜言

Monday, May 05, 2008

:: Stop and stare ::

Hi there! You guys must be wondering why am I blogging so soon this time... Reason-less, just feel like wanna write something. Actually I do not really know what I wanna talk about this time at this moment, maybe I'll just share some of my feelings here for a while...

Have taken almost a week off from work, got a holiday, and got sick as well. During this holiday, suddenly... (When I said 'suddenly', it does really comes all of a sudden) Suddenly, I picked up this feeling, feeling that I was in the past... not a past that is very unforgettable nor not long ago... I got back the feeling, the feeling when I just finish my secondary school, have not go into collage yet... The period where I am doing nothing everyday, and at the same time, do not really know what my future holds. Just let time passed by, day by day... Do not even wanna care too much, do not feel like talking too much, do not even feel like eating a lot...

Had pick up this feeling for a week, and I'm currently still having this feeling, very strongly around my, affecting my mood, my view, my life... And just as so, I can't even hide this feeling of mine very well... I got colleagues that noticed I am a bit stress... Am I stress? I am not sure either, I just feel like this feeling is controlling me, affecting me a lot...

Though feeling like not very happy all the time is not a good thing (I'm not sure whether I am feeling not happy, or I am just currently drown in my thoughts), but somehow I like this feeling... The feeling where I am in a continuum, where my feelings belong to the past, but my body just working as usual... This continuum where I am in, confuses me about past and current, and makes me do not want to care that much, and hope to stay in the past, just like that... It feels like I am all alone in that continuum, and I just let it be so...

Am I running away from something? Am I avoiding something? I would say yes, maybe no, I am not sure really... Cause I am not sure where am I now...


Stop and stare

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere

Yeah I know that everyone gets scared

But I've become what I can't be, oh

Stop and stare

You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there

And you'd give anything to get what's fair

But fair ain't what you really need

Oh, can u see what I see