Sunday, November 18, 2007

& I hope you always stay the same...

After I have posted my previous post, some of my friends were checking up on me to see whether I'm still ok. To all of my friends, I'm fine, & no worries. Nothing much I can do except to continue living, isn't it? Life still goes on... I still will be in at office before 9am, I still spend 15-20 minutes for my lunch everyday, I still need to face pressure to BE in the office.
Nothing much of the changes really, but that is when I started to feel bored. Sometimes, it is not easy even to find somebody to talk to. I tried to bother a lot of people (LOL~I'm sorry), but it is simply just not as same as before anymore. I do not have that much of a topic to talk about, or maybe I just have not met the person I used to talk a lot to. I have not met a lot of people which used to be in my life before I actually moved back to Penang. I miss those old times buddies...
Nobody can foresee what will be happening in our lives; nobody can foresee the good or bad of a decision to be made; nobody can foresee anything from our lives which sometimes make us human to forget things that we are suppose to do, that we are suppose to treasure, that we are suppose to remember, & we are suppose not to forget... So, we forgot the things that we are not suppose to.
We do not know what will happened next in our lives, but we never try to enjoy the present moment we have. We do not know how long will we live, but we never try to make useful of the everyday we get. We do not know how long the people we love will stay with us, but we never try to tell them we love them everyday when they are there. We do not know, but we do not care as well. Or have you cared, but dare not to show? dare not to tell?
Sometimes, some things does not cost you that much. It might just be a word, it might just be a second. AND... it might not be the same anymore. When the time is up, nobody can changes anything, anymore... It might just be a word, it might just be a second, AND... it might just be the thing you have not done, & everything stays the same as before, as what you do not want it to be...
There are a lot of things that we have given up in our lives, and we wish that we never did before. There are a lot of TIME that we have lost in our lives, and we wish that we never wasted that before. There are a lot of people that we miss in our lives, and we wish that we have told them before.
Do not wish for what you can never make any changes to it anymore, cause you might not know when the time is going to strike again. Do what you can do now, show what you can show now, tell what you can tell now. & only when you have did it all, you are there at where you want to be. It might not ended up like what you wish for, but at least you move forward to somewhere you never dare to stand. & as you move forward, you move far, cause nothing is there to hold you back anymore.
As you move forward, you might move to a place where you wanted to stay someday. If you never moved, you stay at where you always wanted to move away from. Someday you will find a place to stay the same, cause there's nothing about you they would change; you are happy enough to stay, they are happy to see you so...
*I'm on medication, maybe what I'm saying does not make any sense to you all, LOL~ anyway, stay the same when you are supposed to, stay not when you should not. Stay happy...

Friday, November 02, 2007

If I were to choose...

我曾经说过, 我比较习惯用华文来表达我自己, 所以这一篇部落格, 我打算用最贴近我的语言,倾诉我最深的感觉...

今天算是那么久以来比较开心的一天, 当然我不可能是因为常在心找到新工作而开心, 我只是纯粹过了无风无浪的一天, 还得到了少许赞许...我, 是非常容易满足的...

然而, 却在同样这一天让我得知一个消息, 一个让我不太敢面对的消息... 爱人结婚了, 新娘不是我... 可能你们都在想, 故事的过程是怎么样的, 故事的结局又怎会变成这样? 我只能说, 我们有缘无份吧? 人们不是常说, 生命中陪你走完人生的道路的, 永远不会是你最爱的人吗? 人生所谓最美丽的遗憾?

是的, 如果到今天你们来追问我最深的心底话, 答案会是:"对, 他是我曾经最深爱的一个, 而至今仍常常想起的那一个..." 曾经有人告诉我说, 表面上伤害我最深的人, 绝不是伤我最深的那一个...伤我最深的, 是跟我似乎关系不太久不太深的这一位, 这一位我最爱的人... 问我为何爱他那么深, 我不懂; 问怎么我朋友懂他就是我最爱也伤我最深的那一位, 我也不晓得...

我曾经觉得我们之间的缘分奇妙不已, 紧紧相吸着对方; 我曾经因为他可以忽视自己; 我曾经因为他放弃我所拥有的, 不在乎过程是多么地难熬; 我曾经因为他而在英国迟迟不眠, 只为了跟在上班的他聊天; 我曾经因为他, 忘了我自己, 失去了理智... 对啊, 我就是曾经地那么爱他...

这么地爱, 又怎么舍得放弃? 这么地爱, 又怎么不去争取呢? 原因可能是因为你最爱的, 并不一定是最适合你的; 无论多么的努力过, 单方面的力量绝对是不够的...你们也许在想, 他是个怎样的人? 他, 爱我吗? 也许只有他才懂吧? 因为这是连我也不敢问的一个问题, 深怕着得到的不是我想要的答案... 我相信很多时候自己都很清楚自己深爱着的人是谁, 会想说只要有缘分最后一定会在一起...七分已经拼过了, 哪那三分已经注定了吗? 他, 就要结婚了, 新娘不是我...也许人生就会有那么一点点的遗憾, 但不代表你不会再勇敢地爱过... 也许没爱得那么深, 但绝对爱得真...

祝福天下能与最深爱的人共谐连理的一对, 希望你们会好好珍惜对方,那绝对是幸福的...祝福虽不能与最深爱的人共度漫漫人生的男生女生们, 再找到也许不是你最爱的, 但我相信能在一起的, 您选的一定也是最好的!

祝福他...

曾经天天听着这首歌, 想着他...